The Weight of Waiting

I usually find myself creating a couple of blogs this time of year, and since I’ve been laid up from some end-of-the-year surgery, I thought I’d go ahead and get started.  You’ll have to forgive me if all of this sounds a bit melancholy, dark or depressing, I guess that’s where my mind and heart are right now…who knows why.  It’s always this time of year, the whole classic ‘out with the old, in with the new’ part of each year, that sends my soul searching, wondering, and experiencing a bit of forlornness that I don’t experience the rest of the year.

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This final week of the year, the cusp of a New Year and the dregs of the old, is a span of time that seems to almost stand still for me.  Not sure why, but I think some of it has to do with the weight of the past year that is heavy upon me and the anticipation, waiting and expectation of the New Year.

It’s this time of EVERY year, I think about the things that weren’t accomplished during the course of the year.  The setbacks, the missed deadlines, lost opportunities, times of illness, loss of a loved-one, loss of a friend; lethargy and even some despondency, are all crushing in on me.  In fact, I find myself thinking back not just through this year but at times, my WHOLE LIFE during this time of the year!  Then the weight presses in on me even more.  I will break free from this captive way of thinking eventually but for now, it’s where I am.

Emerson asks the question, “How much of human life is lost in waiting?”  And I wonder about how much of our ‘lost life’ we spend time contemplating?  I know, I know, you can’t live your life looking backwards, or wondering about what ‘might have been’ but I feel it’s more like taking stock, or making an inventory of things in our lives.  And if it makes you better for it, then I see no harm.  It can, and usually will, make us better AND stronger.

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The Bible certainly speaks to taking an account of our lives. Galatians 6:4 “But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another.”  You’ll also find lots of Scripture in regards to perseverance, and patience, too many to list here.  I believe it’s a combination of allowing ourselves the ‘dark times’ of contemplation, and observing, that we can then step into the light of a life that is better lived and perhaps, richer.

Waiting?  Can’t stand it.  A sober assessment of all things?  Bring it on!

But could someone get this elephant of waiting off my chest please!

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